It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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