I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
