Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
