I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
