my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
