I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
