I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
