Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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