we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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