just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
