Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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