tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
