i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
