I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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