Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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