i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
