dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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