Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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