Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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