Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
