This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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