New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
