the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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