So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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