I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
