Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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