The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
