Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
this is an emotional support booty call
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
