no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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