so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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