don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The air was thick with penises
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
