porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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