were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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