wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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