would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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