you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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