Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
