He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
