I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
