I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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