how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
