I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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