So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sobbing to NWA
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize