May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
