paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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