There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
