YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
