Duck Duck Cougar?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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