I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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