I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
