we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
