So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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