i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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