shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
