I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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