It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize