my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
