I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
