How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
as a side note pls kill me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
