Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
