eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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