She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
